As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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