i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
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My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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