maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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