3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
