I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
