I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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