Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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