Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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