Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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