There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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