whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
