I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
