You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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