sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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