he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
