I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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