worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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