i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
