I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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