then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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