We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
