Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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