Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
