You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
