Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
