lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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