The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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