OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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