He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
