More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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