Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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