so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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