drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Four minutes until I can fart!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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