I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
