Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My pussy is not your playground.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry my hands just texted you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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