I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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