Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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