Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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