Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
not ubering you a puppy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
