'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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