Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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