so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
