I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If that was your dad, he is hot
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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