Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
