I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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