kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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