I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
