naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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