And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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cake and sex. what better combination is there.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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