he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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