the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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