fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I could fuck to npr.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
