YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You dont lie about slip and slides
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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