I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
