I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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