The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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