I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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