Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize