What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
