Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
