Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
