I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
