I'm lost and stupid without you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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