I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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