literally had 100 drinks last night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
