Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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