Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I currently don't understand fingers.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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