VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
no, he came in my armpit
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
