She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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